By Michael Klaus

“Remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy, remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave, because he strayed across the path of Lord Voldemort.”

J.K. Rowling–Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

For parents sending their children to camp for the first time, the idea of being separated from a child can be agonizing, but it is a band-aid that must inevitably be ripped off.  When I was a first year counselor, one of my most astounding realizations from both drop-off day and parents day was how suddenly a child’s behavior changes once the parents depart or arrive.  Children are not in sight of their parents a lot: school, play-dates, sleep-overs, playing in their rooms.  Just as adults have their public and private lives, so too do kids.  As camp counselors, one of our most important jobs is to help and foster that “private” part of a child’s life.

At camp, everyone is most certainly alone.  Whether a camper comes to camp with five friends or zero, a child defines his own camp experience.  He has to make his own bed, change his own clothes and sheets, and shower regularly.  He has to learn how to live with strangers, follow directions, and consider how his actions affect others.  Sadly, these kinds of lessons often cannot be taught by parents.  They have no way to mentor a kid on how to keep half of the bunk bed organized so the person who sleeps above him does not get annoyed.  This gets learned elsewhere.

It is simple to let children watch television, lounge on the couch, play video games, and eat when they get hungry.  It is also easy for parents to think that they can solve every problem before it occurs, schedule every moment, answer every question and ultimately somehow create a perfect upstanding member of society.  But, kids will never grow up responsibly if left within the bubble of mom and dad’s authority.

The proverbial “village” is required, and camp can play an important role.  Camp lets children try new and unknown activities, explore new territory (both physically and mentally), and make mistakes.  It is easy to cushion every blow for a kid growing up, but camp lets kids scrape knees and then teaches them to get back up.  But, camp needs time to fully work.  It may be naïve to think that a transformative experience can happen to a youngster in three or four weeks, but it is much more unrealistic to think that a life-enhancing experience at camp, or anywhere “away,” can occur if a parent’s influence hovers from home.

It is no doubt difficult to tell your son (and yourself) that he will be going to camp for a full session but it is one that is necessary in the long term.  A camper will never fully ingratiate himself at camp if he knows that home could be just around the corner.  It may be difficult to curb the urge to grab the phone, but your child will thank you for not jerking his mind back to his house, his room, his friends.

It is tough thinking that he will pick sailing instead of the swim instruction he no doubt needs, or that he might use bad language even though you insist he speaks politely to you, or that he might even be mean to someone by accident.  Yet, each of these moments is exactly what camp is for.  Each moment is a moment where the camp counselor gets to act as a parent, and we really do think of your children as our own when they are here.  The key is that kids truly appreciate hearing from someone other than mom or dad the same sort of advice, admonishment or even stern criticism they would get from you.  When that tough talk comes from someone just a few years older than your son, and from someone he truly respects and often emulates, the words are internalized.

In my twelve years on Kingswood’s staff as a counselor-in-training, full counselor, Head Counselor, and administrator, I am most proud of my time knowing that I have made a difference in boy’ lives. All the Kingswood  staff no doubt feels the same way.  With that in mind, we can only fully do our jobs when the “buck” stops with us, when we have the leverage to be different than a child’s parent at home.  That is when we are at our best.

Ripping off the band-aid and sending your kid to camp will sting.  He might miss you at first.   He might get sick or hurt.  He might not be happy at all times.  The easy choice is to brace him with the option to come home early but there is no lesson in that.  What is right is to let your kid have both the highs and lows of camp in its entirety.