Director’s Report

VIRTUAL KINGSWOOD I: The Caption Game

Stuck indoors are you?  Me, too.  So, we thought we might introduce a new feature to help keep you occupied.  VIRTUAL KINGSWOOD is a hands-on outlet which allows you (all your family as well + all staff are invited to join) to participate in camp-like activities while locked up in the safety of your homes.

Everyone knows how much fun we have at camp with “light teasing.”  This method of humor is far superior to hurtful comments and bullying.  The very best cut down I ever received in 35 years at the Kingswood helm came one day during what we call Hell Week, when we get the camp ready for summer and orient counselors to their coming challenges.  During one work component, I came across a group of six or seven counselors just sitting idly in the back of the camp truck.  “An honest day’s work, boys, for an honest day’s dollar,” I hollered in their general direction.  Replied one Matt Donahue, a very clever lad, “Hey, Wiff. You pretend to pay us; we pretend to work.”

I think the laughter generated at that moment sustained the counselors for the balance of the week.

It is with this thought that we re-visit an old Blues Buster staple that we have used over the years to lighten the mood (usually during the most wintery of days.)  We have sent the following collection of photos to our clever staff members who have supplied us with enough funny punch lines to keep you all entertained for a spell while you are locked indoors.  Feel free to offer your captions, too, and we can re-post this report later on with all the add-ons.

Each photo is named and numbered, for easy reference.  Enjoy.

  1. Songfest

“Seven weeks is a long time to go without a haircut.”

“We’ll all have that haircut soon.”

“I think Neff and Mrs. Wipfler’s expressions are all you need to know about that wig”

“Satola will miss that when it’s gone”

2 Bow & Arrow coaches

“One small step for a man, but one giant leap for mankind.”

“What?!?! My joke was not funny?!”

3.  Radar Gun

“Kingswood invokes new moneymaker:  speeding tickets on the camp roads”

“I guess with everyone home this is my new life”

“10% salary commission if you go pro”

4.Redskins

“How to spot the guy who finished last”

“Dan Snyder is so sick”

 

5.  Fishin’

“How was fishing, you liar?”

” Nothing gets the Kingswood dining hall more amped up than a picture of a fish”

6.  Sponsorships

“I saw the Overly Intense 4-Square championship games when I was in Paris.  There were many serious injuries.”

” That’s right. Tennis is on the board twice. Looks like the priorities of Kingswood are finally coming around!”
” Sounds like the trial of Nate G. has already been decided…what kind of justice is this?”

7.  Finger painting

“Putting people to work replacing traffic lights during the pandemic”

8.  Guitar clinic

“Kingswood specializes in ‘on-your-back’ activities”

“Count on a Guide to find one of the few carpeted spots at camp to lie down on”
“So this is how Spanky learned it all?”

9.  Hammocks

“Social distancing?”

10. Shiner

“I took one for the team”

“I should not have asked that girl to dance”

11.  Toilet

“What happens at Kingswood stays at Kingswood”

“That’s what happens when Mr. Weird does number two”
“It lives!!”

12.  Cart driver

“Kingswood — the place for precious children”

“This is why camp pays so much in insurance”
“She’s just doing her Mr. Wiff impression….give her a break”

13.  Slop

“Leftover day”

14.  Protest

 “Yes, signs that tell us to put back the equipment are essential”
“This is what happens when sports get canceled….what do we make signs for?”

15.  Birthday boy

“Honestly, I’d rather have that cake on my head than that cap!”

“It’s Pikachu’s birthday? What does that birthday bit look like?”

16.  Phone call

“Yes, boss, I am observing boaters very carefully”

“Don’t encourage him….”

17.  Snorkel man

“Bring back plunger ball”

“Small wonder the water broke last summer!”
“We all have our areas of expertise…just not often at the same time”
“That must have been quite a clog”
“Sysco strikes again”

18.  Peeper

“Wake me when it’s over”

19.  July 4

“Dear mom and dad; I met a girl at camp…”

“You may now kiss the bride”
“Save that wardrobe for the real people”

 

20.  Sandbox

“And, the genetic odds were…”

“They can smell my fear”
“I see this picture in my nightmares”  (Klaus)
 “This is not becoming my profile picture” (Klaus)
“Rob, how did you let this happen?” (Klaus)

21.  Inspection

“What about bread crumbs on the floor, inside?”

“You should have named this “grade inflation””

22.  Dining room skit

“Singing sweet nothings”

“When this comes out at the family reunion, who will be more embarrassed?”

23.  Geese

“They taste especially good with mustard”

“Much like the Wipflers, the geese have been running Lake Tarleton for multiple generations”

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